dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Randomize
