I wish my penis had an off switch
I think my fart just growled at me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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