Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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