bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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