Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
