Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
