Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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