You work out of a Hotel?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
