Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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