She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
