so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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