i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
