The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
