I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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