The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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