I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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