Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
