Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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