If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
