I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
