A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Terrible idea I love it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
