If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
