The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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