I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
