Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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