this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
