U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I got inside last night via doggy door
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
