I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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