I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
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