there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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