i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
