Non-Jews are for practice
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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