Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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