You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
