I want to walk on stilts...naked
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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