Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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