I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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