I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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