his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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