I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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