honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How naked do you want me to be?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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