They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
