i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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