Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
