Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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