Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
