i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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