how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
