doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
