Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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