Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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