you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
